


The Damnation and Salvation of a God

by Ruth_McKean



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Disturbing Themes, M/M, MU, Post New World, Post-Canon, Redemption, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 01:50:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/579979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruth_McKean/pseuds/Ruth_McKean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can you even hear the bells, Light?” During Light's final moments of life, L's spirit hints at redemption for the self-proclaimed God, but can Light truly be forgiven?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Save Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Completed fic originally posted to ffnet.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

The boy lay on the stairs, watching the light coming in through a dirty window in this dusty old warehouse. It was his death place; no death bed was here to comfort him, nor anyone to hear his last confessions, only these cold stairs, and the puddles of blood surrounding him.

It was laughable that this self-proclaimed God, this well-loved boy, this OCD-neat freak would die in a hell-hole such as this warehouse. Light shuddered and smoothed his hair down with a semi-clean hand.

The blood pouring from his body was warm, the stairs freezing but the body Light resided in could barely detect either of these temperatures...

He knew he was close. _It was time._

Looking up he saw a strange sight before him; a dark silhouette stood behind the beam of heaven pouring into the otherwise empty room, _an angel for Kira?_ The shadowy figure stepped forward, and the sight was more shocking than any angel ever could be.

It was _L_ , and L was about as much of an angel as that brat Mello had been.

"Why are you here, L?" the words came out in a whisper, his usual honey-like voice failing him. L watched the boy with dark eyes, pity in his stare. Kira scoffed at the look.

"Don't you _dare_ pity me, L." L smiled a bit, a smile that spoke volumes about how little Kira knew.

"I don't pity _you,_ Kira. I pity the boy you consumed, the Light-kun I used to see. But he's not here anymore, is he?" L shook his head, answering his own question.

"No, Light-kun appears to have gone." L looked sad at this realization. Tears formed in his bottomless black eyes, but they didn't fall.

"Can you even hear the bells, Light?" The 'kun' finally left off, Light smiled and leaned his head back. He closed his eyes and listened, faintly he could hear the sound of a large bell ringing, slowly followed by the jingling of smaller ones.

"Yes, I hear them." He breathed lightly, so that he could continue to hear the chiming grow louder. L's head snapped up to look at the seemingly-innocent face of Yagami Raito, a small smile was present on the lips of the cold-blooded murderer.

"You can?" L licked his lips nervously, waiting for a reply. Light's eyes opened up drowsily, his response almost lazy.

"Of _course_ I can hear them. I may be dying but I'm not deaf—ha— _yet_." L smiled at the boy's morbid humour. He had missed this, missed this banter and the sight of Light's smile, his _real_ smile.

"I missed you, L." Light whispered out, his words surprising both L and himself. L nodded in response.

"Well, that was to be expected. All you had for company was an apple-loving Shinigami and-" L shuddered dramatically at his next words "-that screechy fangirl _Misa-Misa_." Light laughed again, but held his side as he did so; his blood was starting to turn cold.

"It wasn't just because of _that_. _I missed_ _you,_ not just your intelligent conversations or capable mind. I missed _you._ " Light stopped talking, suddenly realizing how much he was revealing, how _weak_ he sounded.

"Is there a reason you stopped by, L? Or is this just for old times' sake?" Light's voice was growing weaker but it held a bit of contempt in its depths, contempt only L could read.

"Light, I cannot save you. I couldn't even save myself. However, there is still time for you. You . . . you can still save yourself." The words said in a strange half-rush, an infamous thumb rising to L's soft, pink lips as he finished. Light watched the strange man before him; obviously, he was a hallucination, but... _what if he was real-_ and more importantly _-telling the truth?_ Light nodded a bit, L wouldn't lie about something like this, would he?

A dark voice, red eyes and a hunger that could never be sated spoke up within Light: _'Of course he would, Light. He's lied about everything else, hasn't he? Lied about it all, even lied about catching you. He let you get taken, tricked, killed by a less-than-worthy opponent and now you're just going to trust him? Trust_ L _?'_ Light tried to shake off the words, tried desperately to stop hearing them spoken. Nevertheless, he had been telling L the truth earlier. He was not _yet_ deaf, not to the voices, within or without. Gritting his teeth, he looked up into L's eyes for a way to read them, to see if he was telling the truth.

It was getting hard to see though; his eyes were growing heavier.

L stepped forward, sitting down gently beside the dying God. One pale hand coming up to smooth down Light's hair in a fashion that Light would prefer.

"Thank you." Light said absentmindedly, deciding to take a leap of faith.

"How do I save myself, L? How is that even possible?" the words were coming out softer, but L could hear them perfectly.

"You trust me, Light. Trust is the first step, and then the rest will come as we go along."

The voice within screamed with anger, _'This is preposterous! He's lying, deceiving—he just wants to make a fool of you—he just wants to trick you before you finally leave his grasp. Don't give in Light, stay here. I've been with you all this time. Stay here Light, you must fight him!'_ The anger in that voice gave Light a bit more time to live, the will was strong, but with this strength came a toxin, with this will came pure hatred.

"Why should _I_ trust _you_ , L?" The voice was harsh and brutal, the words were spat up at L, and the older man could feel Kira in its inflection.

"Because Light-kun you know me, you know that we are equals and not even _I_ would lie about—all of this." His hand fluttered a bit at his final words, before coming down to smooth out Light's bloodied clothing.

"I know that you're just as damaged as I am, with Kira lurking inside your very soul. I can see him, even now Light. I know you can fight him, but it's all up to you. I just need you to try to trust me. But _can_ you trust me, Light?" Light sighed and felt his final breathes approaching.

On _another note,_ he could practically hear Ryuk in his head, _laughing_ as he fulfilled his first promise to Light— _to Kira_.

A hand came up to hold the young boy’s face; black eyes met brown as a sudden rush of pain erupted in Light's chest.

"Do you trust me, Light?" Words spoken so quietly, but felt so deeply. Then soft lips claimed his for a full second, the pain in Light's chest growing drastically.

" _L_. I..."

Finally, the last of the light died from Light's eyes, his body held tightly by the deceased raven-haired detective. The words slipped from his lips, his final confession spoken on his laughable death bed to his one and only friend.

"I-I do."


	2. Frozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Damn you, L! Why didn't you ever tell me?" Light screamed at the nothingness around him; all black and white at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still do not own Desu Noto.

The world grew silent, there was no nation of mourners as Kira took his final breath. Nevertheless, in the moment of _Light's_ death, many mourners could be found. . .

_A crushed detective lay on the ground, holding out his corrupted hands; the hands that had finished Kira. A group of men standing around the fallen cop, looking lost and watching their comrade and his silent break down. All of these detectives would mourn the loss of a friend, while celebrating the death of a terrorist._

_A white-haired boy would sit, holding the real tool of death in his robotic hands, his heart still healing from the loss of so many people; Mello, Matt, Wammy, L and maybe even this naive boy, who killed so many in the name of 'justice.' Never would he taste real justice on his tongue, and Near pitied Yagami Light for that._

_A Shinigami would be watching the warehouse, a small grin on his face as he recalled all of the times he had shared with the young killer, an almost apologetic tinge in his fish-eyes. A silent goodbye as he flew away from the human that showed him so much fun._

_A young woman would sit numbly on a train, her life in shambles; the love of her life dead and his body buried far from her. Misa's smile would never grace her pretty face again. Her loyal heart, broken for the rest of her life which was ticking away faster than anyone would guess. Her arms would open wide to the sky once she reached the top of that building, the one that overlooked the rest of the city. The sun glowing so prettily, but another Lightless day would not be allowed to go by for the young model. She'd end her life whispering his name, her mind focussed on reaching the boy but only ever reaching the nothingness state of Mu. Perhaps eventually finding the peace and love she had sought in life for so long._

_A young girl; scarred emotionally and physically from her time held as a captive by the mafia, would be sobbing when she finally learned of Light's tragic truth and death. She would curse the name of Kira but would lie holding one of Light's pillows in his rarely used room. Never would she see her brother’s smiling face, hear his voice or see the proud glint in his eyes as she told him about her success in school._

_A mother's heart would be broken, yet again, just another heart ruined by the poison that is Kira. Her husband's stress from all of those years, and her daughter's inescapable trauma to be blamed upon her own son; her first born, her own flesh and blood working against itself. It would drive this woman to an early grave to join her husband and leave her only living child entirely alone on this earth._

_Groups of followers from school and the police force, those who would never learn of Light's alter ego would cry and sigh over the loss of such a brilliant mind and positive child. They would speak of his potential, of all of his success and his plans. Never really knowing more than just one of Light’s many personas but mourning all that they_ had _known._

Light was numb to all of these people though, and in heaven his father was probably watching with shame and tears in his eyes.

But, he didn't care.

He’s frozen to this, to all of the tears.

Except those of L's, the ones that had refused to fall until Light’s very last breath. He could feel them on his cheeks as L leaned towards him, his lips brushing against his own.

 _'How could I have never known?'_ Images flashed, attacking at the ice built around his heart:

_L laughing, eating a large piece of cake, screaming at him, kicking him, adding endless cubes of sugar to his coffee and tea, standing in the rain, dragging him along the hallway, watching him as he slept, bending over to massage his feet, locking him up, interrogating him again and again and again. L dying in his arms, his eyes holding secrets and screaming betrayal in his final moments—the spoon falling from his strange grasp, his heart beating for a final time, before—_

_"Damn you, L! Why didn't you ever tell me?"_ Light screamed at the nothingness around him; all black and white at once, he felt so colour-blind in the void of this world, _his world._ The nothingness was already eating at him, slowly.

All that time and he had never known, and could never even have fathomed the truth.

 _'Why didn't L ever tell me? Oh Kami, I killed him and he still came for me.'_ Light felt a strange feeling in his body, the body he knew he no longer had, but he could still feel something in himself. It was warmth, it was calming and exhilarating all at once. _His lips,_ they had felt so warm, the tears so real. The pain had already faded away and all that remained was the taste of L, he was sweet and bitter; the taste of regret and redemption combined.

" _How didn't I know, L. . .how, why?"_

Months passed, decades, centuries—or maybe just moments—mere minutes.

Light felt nothing; not even the passing of time, so it was impossible to tell. His only company were his thoughts; he reviewed it all, the memories of Kira no longer tasting like blood. The voice of Kira was also gone, and Light could finally see his own insanity, the notebook had eaten at his soul and had corrupted him to the very deepest parts.

Only _now_ could he see the tendrils that had held him captive to the murder note, only in this place of _nothingness_ could he mourn the loss of his own purity. All thoughts always turned back to those of L and he found himself wishing for the other with such strange intensity it both hurt and scared Light.

He found many of his memories lacking, a haziness that seemed to surround him was starting to win.

Slowly, Light Yagami was becoming one with the frozen nothingness. He recalled the way L's lips felt on his own, he could still taste the potential for redemption there.

He could still recall the way L's eyes had look in his final day of life. The human look he had, the openness he had acquired as he stared hard at Light, and he seemed to know that this was his final chance to speak openly with the tainted boy. He had spoken about the bells that Light had heard upon his own death, but he seemed like he wanted to say so much more, only he did not.

In Light's final time of reviewing the memory it _changed_ ; this time on the way back inside L had stopped Light by grabbing at his arm. This time he had spoken all the words that he had always seemed to want to say to Light but never had.

"Light-kun, you're _broken._ You're so _ignorant_ , naive, but worst of all _you're frozen._ You waste your time with pain and death, and I know someday you'll come to regret this all. I just wish that I didn't have to lose you, not like this."Then L turned and walked away, marching off towards his death, like always, but this time Light felt different and knew he had to change everything, had to stop this.

This time he reached out, felt the ice leave his lungs, cold fingertips reaching for L. Light stopped the detective—prevented him—from going back outside. Grabbing L's arm and pulling him to face the truth they both knew already but needed to hear out loud. The confession was heavy on his lips, the warmth back in his chest although the frozen rain repeated to pelt down upon him.

"No, don't do it L! I can't watch you die again. I—you're my only friend. The only one who has ever been able to get through to me, in all of my years of living and dying, I've never found someone like you, and— _I need you._ So don't go, because I can't stand to kill you again."


	3. Nobody's Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies spoken from dead lips to fall upon dead ears are useless.

With the confession still hot on his lips, Light pressed forward, leaning towards the warm body that he held onto with a death grip. The resistance proved futile as the figure of L faded quickly, along with the altered memory. A grim smile on his lips, a spidery hand coming up to press lightly on the ex-God's chest.

The responding words: “I need you, too” left hanging in the air and echoing dimly in Light's mind. Before Light could get another word out to the older man he began to feel...strange, or perhaps the better word was _real._

The ice that surrounded Light melted under L's touch. The toxic fire that had been Kira had long since extinguished at Light’s death, mostly by the raven-haired man's tears. Light finally felt all of the pain, all of the fear and despair. The sociopath that had once been was no more, and now he felt all the agony any normal person's soul would have felt...

" _ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"_ The scream tore through Light, the pressure building with no signs of relief.

_His hands covered in blood._

_Faceless victims surrounding him, screaming at him; pain and guilt, fear and shame, all of these things felt and heard-surrounding, suffocating._

"No, make it stop! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Oh God, I'm so sorry." _Nevertheless, the voices just grew louder, more insistent._

_They didn't care—they were still dead._

_Apologies spoken from dead lips to fall upon dead ears are_ useless; _nobody's listening. These souls would never rest properly. Misery Loves Company and these were the miserable dead._

" _Kira! Kira! Killer! KILLER! THE MAN WHO WOULD BE GOD! Kira! KIIRRRRAA!"_

_The voices surrounding him further, taunting him, the blood black on his tongue. No longer could he taste L's lips on his own, the raven-haired detective’s breath vacant now. In its place was the taste of blood, sweat, and tears._

_There was nothing to gain here; no one could hear him, the louder he spoke the louder the voices were._

" _NOBODY'S LISTENING KIRA! KILLER! LIGHT YAGAMI, YOU KILLED US! YOU DESTROYED MY HEART! Nobody's listening, KILLER!"_

Light attempted to flee, the voices driving him to insanity.

" _Where can you go?! How can you possibly ignore us?! KIRA, WE ARE EVERYWHERE!"_

" _JOIN US, GOD! It's time to dig the graves, to taste the blood you have spilled. We can taste it, you have passed judgement, and now it is our turn!"_

_The memories of his life before Kira were there, but they too were fading, his time of innocence with L—all of them leaving him—he gripped them but his hands were too slippery with the blood of the innocent_ _and the_ guilty.

"No! I'm Sorry! _L,_ please, I'm sorry, damn it!"

_Tears flowed down his beautiful cheeks, hands coming out to stroke at them. Only these fingers were grimy; dirty with grave dirt and covered in dried blood of the innocents they had destroyed in their times of living, they reached out and stole at Light's face. They were_ not _L’s; they belonged to these restless souls. More whispers sounded harshly in his ears._

_"Nobody's listening, killer—no one—_ except us _." Cruel laughter that Light had never heard before, the sound of every killer, rapist, paedophile, and thief he had ever killed ringing in his ears._

There was no innocence here, only the guilty housed with Light.

"Please, please no. Please stop!" _Light begged the faceless victims; he struggled to escape the groping hands. But they were everywhere; Light's solace of silence had turned into a sea of arms and grasping fingers._

" _Never will we taste the glory of redemption."_

" _Never to repent for our sins, Kira, but you got to taste it, and we watched the boy give you that and we want that taste too, killer."_

" _Yes, little killer boy. Share it with us."_

_"GIVE IT TO US!"_

Light screamed and tried to turn away from the embrace of death at every pair of hands. They all offered him a place to give up another piece of the peace he had finally found.

" _Give it to us, Kira. You who thought to pass judgement; you will share it with us."_

With these final words whispered to Light, he felt all of those pieces ripped from him _:_

_No longer could he feel the warmth, no longer could he feel the redemption, the sound of bells was distant in his ears, the feel of lips was turning into the ghost of dream._

" _No,_ L." T _he struggle seemed futile now, but still he kept trying._

Light fought for his soul; for his sanity for his peace, for his memories, for the warmth that L had given him.

Finally, _he had felt peace, found his happiness, and then his near-redemption, wrenched away._

_Slowly though, the hands left him. The arms faded away; the grime and crime of the souls was leaving him. In each perverse soul there now glowed a piece of Light, the killer who had stolen so much more than just life. They had stolen from him now; taken his peace of mind, his peaceful soul was no more._

_They had wrenched away all that Light had been building up so steadily in his nothingness realm._

_They all departed slowly, hands brushing lightly on his tear-stained cheeks. Final whispers shouted into oblivion, hungry mouths no longer felt, all departing, pulling away._

_Until it was just Light and the surrounding area around him; no longer a void but a bright white, there was no darkness in the place where he remained._

_But now there was a heavy darkness within the soul of Yagami Light..._

One that he finally had to face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I envisioned a scene that reminds me of the movie Pulse, with all of the arms gripping and pulling and holding.. something somewhat horrific, but likely Light-kun deserves it. Cheers.


	4. Wandering Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the void of Mu.

The blinding white of the void he inhabited caused his eyes to shut tightly, the grief coming up in great waves of incredible darkness from within. He collapsed as he realized the sudden stark white after the never-ending abyss-black was too much for his already over-stimulated mind; the void spun sickly and if Light had a real body, he would have thrown up.

' _The blackness of darkness, forever.'_ Dark thoughts swam through Light's mind chaotically, completely consuming his thoughts so that he was unaware of the _new_ crowd that had begun to surround him. This time though, their hands were clean, their faces seen clearly. Light's own dirty body and soul seeming to taint the very air.

' _It took me so long to shed my grief, to find what L was talking about...And now to have my only solace stolen away and then be taunted, so cruelly.'_ He complained softly in his head, mourning the loss of so many things. The soft voices around him were listening to his thoughts as he lay on his side; comatose and uncaring. Many of the new visitors scoffing at the self-piteous tone Light's thoughts had taken on. Light jumped at the lone voice that greeted him, ruining his attempts to simply fade away into his failing mind.

"Killer, do you really expect so much sympathy and mercy from the people you destroyed so easily, with nothing but a simple flick of the wrist?" The soft voice asked, filled with scorn and a hint of disgust. There were dark eyes, not L’s, and a pretty face, strangely familiar . . . and, they were watching him closely. Light knew this woman; she wore a plain outfit of all white, and next to her was a man. A man he had _killed_ , a man whom _he had smiled at_ as the doors had slid shut...

"No!" Light's breath hitched as he realized that his parade of victims was _never ending._ The truly innocent, the ones he had _known_ were truly innocent were now here to make him suffer.

" _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. . .for whom it is deserved, the relief."_ The words came from the man's mouth, he looked at Light with pity filled eyes. Raye Penber and Naomi Misora, just _two_ of the innocents _he had killed._

The parade was larger than Light had realized; the wrongly convicted criminals, the ones who had repented their ways long before Kira had destroyed them, and all the people who had gotten in Kira's way; innocent FBI members, justice seekers, all stood silent and watching, some with pity some with scorn.

Light knelt in front of this crowd, his position elevated and beneath this growing group. They were all around him, but they did not surge forward to collect what they sought, they waited; eyes watching, silent and _expecting_.

No longer did the mask of the monster protect Light from the guilt he felt. The two victims that stood closest to him, holding hands were watching him with a similar light of expectation. They were shepherding these wandering souls, leading them to their killer, Kira. _But what did they want?_

"I'm sorry." The inadequate words fell out of Light's mouth. His eyes screwed shut as he waited for the first blow—the first finger to grasp at his dirty skin—but it never came. Opening his eyes he looked to the two leaders of the group, again the words of Raye Penber repeated.

" _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief."_

The rest of the group took up the words. They spoke as one, the victims grouping together to fight against their mutual murderer:

" _For whom it is reserved, the **punishment.** For whom it is deserved, the **relief**. _ For whom it is reserved, the **punishment**. For whom it is deserved, the relief. For whom it is  reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. **For whom it is reserved** , the punishment. **_For whom it is deserved, the relief..."_**

Light brought his hands up to attempt to block out the voices as they grew too intense, his guilt was building up again and he felt sick. All of these lives, he had _stolen_ all of these lives. It felt like every other bit of punishment in Mu _, unending._ There were no breaks in this portion of hell; he was stuck in a timeless prison, awaiting the end of a sentence that would never end.

"I said I'm sorry!" He yelled into the crowd. His eyes filling again with tears, he had destroyed so many. No way could he make amends, there was simply _no way._ The voices continued to grow, the words overlapping and becoming a continuous chant that surged through his very essence-there was no escape from the words, or the wandering souls that spoke them.

" _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. For **whom it is reserved** , the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. **For whom it is reserved, the punishment.** For whom it is _deserved, _the relief. For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For **whom** it is deserved, the relief..." _

His control broke now, this was somehow _worse_ than when the other souls had come and raped him; taken all of the peace he had collected. It was still there, within him. Light doubled up inside and out, the grief was _still there_ , in full force _and the guilt._ No soul could suffer as his did, and _not_ buckle under the pressure—but this punishment is his—no relief was even remotely deserved on Light's behalf.

The voices finally became one great and powerful voice in a final chant of the words that were driving him over the edge and beyond. A single entity of many coming together to punish the one who had killed them all-unjust, unfair and undeserved.

" ** _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief!"_**

Silence rung out thick in the air as the words finally ended, the young boy's breaths came in heavy pants. The ringing in his head, the grief in his heart was still there-these innocent souls coming so close to breaking him completely. He waited for the final blow—the killing blow, and finally _then_ he could rest in oblivion—but still, it never came.

Soft footsteps approached Light and he felt himself being held; but the arms were holding him _protectively,_ rather than possessively. Looking up Light found himself staring into the bright, blue eyes of Watari. Another victim of his, the one he perhaps regretted killing the _second most_ in his long list of murders.

"Yagami-kun, you aren't listening to them. Open up, you know what they want—what we— _deserve._ You must share our grief, it shackles us here, _to you,_ and to this empty place." Light thought for a moment—pushing aside his own emotions—and then he spoke the words that they had all been repeating to him, nodding his head slowly, as he spoke them out loud.

"For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief." His very being felt like crumbling as he finally understood what he had to do...

_He had to take the brunt of the pain and give out peace to those who deserved it._

The peace he felt, it _wasn't_ for him, but rather for his countless victims.

 _"I-I can do that."_ Another surge of warmth came through Light; a feeling he thought had been lost with the attack from before. He brought his arms up to the old man's and grasped them for a moment before standing up.

“I am sorry.” Light repeated the apology, and Watari studied him with serious eyes, nodding at something he must have seen within the younger man.

Closing his eyes Light recalled the peace again; _the bells ringing loudly in his ears, the taste of heaven from L's lips, strong in his mind, the warmth of L's tears sliding down his cheeks, as he died, the feeling of redemption and happiness floating in his chest._ He brought it to the surface of his being and brought up a tainted, shimmering arm to the head of the man before him. He brushed his fingers lightly against the man's forehead, the feeling travelling along his arm and down through his fingertips till they were let go into Watari's body, leaving his dirty hand a bit cleaner-his soul, a bit lighter.

“Thank you, Yagami-san. . . I finally see that you’ll be good for him.” The older man spoke his confusing words with a kind voice, and smiled fondly at Light, his body slowly fading as the rest of the crowd slowly approached the ex-God. Each wishing for the peace they’d been denied for so long. Light could feel each soul taking another bit of his peace, but this time he _let_ it go _._ He gave up his peace to these victims, the ones he had truly wronged. He felt his grief lessening, his tainted skin being cleansed, as if each soul took away their share of this as they took a piece of his happiness away.

At the end of the long line of victims, he stood alone with the couple who had herded these wandering souls here in the first place. Raye leaned forward first and Light gave him what he _deserved,_ apologizing again to him and his fiancé. Misora smiled lightly at the ex-God, and with his mask finally off, she saw the true potential there.

"You remind me of someone, Light Yagami...someone I used to know long ago." Light smiled an empty smile and nodded tiredly at the woman, and then he offered up the last piece of himself. The grief no longer there and exhaustion ready to take him over entirely. As she faded away, and his— _now hollow—_ world started to blacken once more, he heard her speak out again.

"When you see _him_ again, tell him I said hello."


	5. Grey Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally at his breaking point.

Light sat in a familiar chair, and on his left wrist was a ghosting feeling. The feel of confinement was liberating, but not real here. Looking around, he turned towards the computer before him. It was off and the black reflected his face, _Kira-less_ and without any sort of mask.

He felt vulnerable but so _free._

_No more lies, no longer blinded by the lies._

_No longer blind, no longer grasping onto arrogance, ignorance. Out of reach, out of touch, free of the evil of Kira._

_Out of life and time, no longer held captive by the Killer within._

_No longer numb to the feelings, no longer attached to the cold apathy that hid the pain and loss of justice._

_No longer free of his victim's screams, to the torment...no longer closed off._

_No longer blind to L..._

Light rose from his seat, the chair rolling back gently, the final resting place of L. He found headquarters to be completely empty, but it was raining; nature's way of cleaning, cleansing.

 _Washing away the filth and grime_ —all the things that cover truth and beauty.

He made his way to the roof, knowing that was where he would finally find answers. He stood in the elevator, his heart thumping painfully as the doors opened. He raced up the final stairs, making his way to the roof. It smelled clean as he walked out the door, his senses clear, and his heart hurting.

Light walked to the edge of the balcony, looking around in the storm for the sight of the dark-haired detective.

He wasn't here.

 _L's not here, he's_ not _here._

Light stood watching the city beneath him; he could almost see himself in the buildings that rushed out away from him, reflected in the sky.

"L, where are you? I trusted you. I let go, so _where are you?_ " His voice came out soft, but the last of his words was barely a whisper.

"Please. I _need_ you." Turning to lean back against the balcony edge, Light slipped and lowered himself to sit on the ground, his body reacting slowly, feeling unattached, distant.

 _Out of thought, out of time, out of life_.

No L, there was no one here.

Lightening struck somewhere, making the sky light up, but Light could barely see it. He had been so ignorant! His vision clouded by the lies that lived inside his own twisted heart...that had been exorcized so painfully, and for what?

_Where are you?_

"Never deserved you— _never_ deserved redemption.” His heart skipped a beat as several figures seemed to be approaching, he tried to move but found himself stuck to the spot, fear and hope warring within.

The two shorter figures broke away from the other one, and Light was suddenly overwhelmed by an impression of chocolate, leather and cigarette smoke that wavered in the air, menacing and laughing all at once. Before he was once again alone, thunder crashing overhead.

Please, L. Please come back. _I'm letting go, drifting apart, it's scaring me. I've lost almost all that I was, all that I am, and now I need your help again._ " The words flowed from his lips, unnoticed. His breaking point nearing, he stood on the edge of this dream scape, on this grey machine, another of society’s buildings, on the brink in his own mind; all of his solace taken and now this haunting silhouette was reappearing, approaching.

He _needed_ it to be L; if it wasn't then this was _the end_ of Yagami Raito.

Slowly the man neared, the sound of bells growing louder. Lightening no longer flashed, the figure didn't need any light to see his true path, seeming to simply know where to go--straight to Light. The younger keeping up his strange flow of almost unconscious confessions, the words needing to be acknowledged, just as much as they needed to be spoken aloud.

"I could always see myself in you, reflected in your eyes. L, I hated you for that. I had wanted so badly to win that I didn't even realize how much I had lost just to play a game. A game of destroying lives, a game that wasn't ever a game after all. I was so blinded by the lies, by rage and evil. I'm sorry, _so sorry._ " The silhouette was coming closer, faster, the figure clearing up.

"L?" The confessions no longer tumbling out of Light's mouth. He groped forward, wanting to sit up and rush towards the man who was now coming up to him.

It was a remarkable sight, the face of L; soaking wet from the tears and the gentling rain. This time the water had a purifying feel, it was no longer cold and freezing the spirit of Yagami Light.

This time the rain woke him up, refreshed him, and cleansed his soul.

He reached forward, hands _needing_ to meet flesh.

They collided, the rush of feeling, the warmth and the safety. The fucking bliss that was in each brush of contact. It was uplifting and amazing, Light held L like he _needed_ him to live, and maybe he did.

 _He_ knew _he did._

He was _oxygen_ in this world, he was _sanity and love_ and _everything_ Light had always wanted but could never truly feel.

L pulled him back, grinning wildly at the sight of the fallen boy, now on the road to redemption.

"Light, you're _finally_ here...I've been waiting for you for _so long._ " The voice of L was music to Light's ears--after what must have been years in Mu--the words reaching him over the storm. Light brought a hand up to stroke L's cheek, his face warm despite the weather.

"I did what you said, L. I just wanted to get to you - and finally, _finally_ I'm here. _I missed you_." L licked his lips anxiously, his eyes darting towards Light's face, reading intently with those never-ending eyes of his. Light leaned in towards the detective, his other hand coming up to grip into his wet hair. He brought his face close to L's, his eyes watching for a reaction.

They stared into each other’s eyes, and Light found that the detectives eyes were not cold and hard like they had always seemed but were now bottomless black, and yet, brimming with emotion.

_How had he not seen that?_

L's eyes slowly shut, his head tipping up to meet Light's and their lips met in their second kiss.

And it was...

_Perfect._


	6. Moments Like These/I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The warmth that Light had felt previously was nothing when compared to the heat that surged through his veins now.

The warmth that Light had felt previously was nothing when compared to the heat that surged through his veins now. He could feel all of the hope he had found, all of the peace, the redemption, the _love_ that was all there, but _intensified_ until he felt like he could explode from the amount of feelings within.

He breathed in the detectives scent as he deepened their kiss, his tongue coming out of his mouth to taste the mouth that had kept him sane after all this time in nothingness.

L opened his mouth with a groan, and the sweetness of L's mouth was intoxicating. Light felt himself moaning into the kiss, the hand cupping the detectives face coming down to pull at L's waist. He wanted to be closer, needed to be nearer than this.

L brought his own hands up to wrap in Light's hair and shoulders, he pulled just as tightly as Light had. He needed this too, the thought made Light giddy. _'He needs me just as much as I need him.'_ The thought made the act so much more intimate, so much more meaningful and caused Light to kiss L harder, his teeth nipping at L's bruised lips.

Light pulled away from L's lips, his kisses trailing down L's jaw line, down to his neck where he kissed at the flesh there. His tongue darted out to taste L's neck, the latter groaning at the feeling, Light bit at the skin, wanting to devour the detective here on the roof in the rain.

Minutes went by—hours, days?—the kissing and the passion building and crashing in waves, until L pulled back, making Light whine a little in the back of his throat. L smiled smugly, and Light chuckled darkly. _'Still a bastard.'_ He led Light back towards the door that would lead them inside. They went in and L handed Light a towel that had been hanging by the door. He took it and began to towel off L, neglecting his own wetness in favour of touching L more.

"Light, I didn't _know_ when I'd see you again." L sounded happy; his usual flat tone infused with emotion.

"I told you I trusted you, L. You know that once I commit to something, nothing can hold me back. I wasn't lying, _for once_ I was telling you the truth, telling _myself_ the truth." They sat down on the stairs, L now towelling off Light as the younger continued to speak.

"I used to want to be alone. It was easier that way, to live my life on terms to call my own. But, I obviously went too far, and I didn't even realize what I had truly done until the day I lost you—the day that I _killed you._ " L stared up at Light, basking in the moment of honesty, complete and utter honesty that he hadn't seen since a moment long ago in a jail cell, in another life. L nodded his encouragement, and Light blushed at his own words.

"I didn't know how much it could hurt to miss someone that you cared about. I _tried_ to forget you, to just run away from your memory, but you haunted me, you lived inside my dreams— _and I hated you for that_. But I wasn't even sure _why._ Not until you came to me on the day I died. I thought I would die all alone, die lying to everyone, lying to myself, about _everything._ But you changed that, and I don't even know why... _why_ would you do that for me? I don't deserve any of this". Light hung his head in shame, his eyes prickling with tears. He waited for L to stand up and take his leave, to walk away and leave the ex-God to his own demise.

But he didn't, instead he repeated his strange actions again. He picked up Light's right foot and began to massage it, the touching much more sensual now that Light had kissed the detective.

"Ryuzaki?" the name slipped off of Light's tongue without him noticing it, and L looked up, startled.

"No, Light-kun. I believe it's been long enough, and the use of my aliases seems pointless now. My name, my _true_ name is L Lawliet." Light let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in.

" _Lawliet._ L Lawliet." the name tasted strange on his tongue, he was about to say it again when he felt the detective dive for his lips. Light fell back against the steps he had been laying upon, this kiss eerily like their first, when Light had been on the cusp of death. L bit Light's lip painfully, making him gasp and open his mouth, all thoughts of death fading.

L's tongue pushed into this mouth, exploring the hot cavern with intense passion. Light groaned, his hips moving against L's as he fought for dominance in the kiss. L pulled back, panting heavily, he leant forward and bit at Light's earlobe before whispering into his ear.

"I love it when you say my name, Light-kun," his voice rough with arousal.

"I want you, Lawliet. I've died to find that out. Don't stop, L." the name sounded better each time Light said it, and it drove both of them onwards, pressing his hips harder into Light, L panting above him, _beautiful_.

L pulled back again long after their lips were kiss swollen, and began to answer Light's questions.

"Light, you should know _why_ after all of this. I did this for you because of how I felt--you were my first _friend_ and my first—" the words died on his lips. Lawliet took a deep breath before continuing on.

" _I love you, Light._ I just couldn't let you disappear into nothingness, when I knew you could be so much _more._ " Light watched the pale man speak, his heart racing faster at those words.

His mind too shocked to allow for a response. He leaned towards L again, this time pressing a chaste kiss to his soft lips. When he pulled back he felt his heart skip another beat as he prepared himself to say the words he had been realizing since his death.

"I love you too, L Lawliet."

The world seemed to stand still at his confession; this time though, it didn't feel like one made at his death but rather one made at his rebirth...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This can be the end for you if you'd like, but there is a bonus chapter coming up next... Thanks for reading.


	7. Counting Bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no trace of Kira left in the boy; the demon possessor had died when Light had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next chapter is a bonus one. 
> 
> Please look up the Death Note AMV for the song “Counting Bodies” – the artist has done a re-mastered version of the video, but I was originally inspired by the first video and it is *so* worth the youtube search! ♡

L had taken Light up to the old bedroom they had once shared. There they had given into the passion that had been building up since they had found each other.

Slowly shedding clothes and grief, spilling secrets, learning one another's bodies, souls. They spent the night pleasuring each other; giving in and trusting fully.

It was liberating, terrifying, and pure.

It was also something neither had experienced in their time alive, and now they were finally finding love together after they had separately embraced death...Two halves joining together to become one in the afterlife.

Light groaning so passionately, L's little noises of pleasure as he moved into Light; filling him and pounding harder and harder before they were both lost in some other place, only to come back to their bodies, sticky, sated and sleepy.

L watched the younger man sleeping next to him, his chest rising and falling softly.

His body laid out so perfectly, like he remembered from their time back on Earth. Now covered in patches of love bites and fingertip bruises marring the perfect flesh of his hips when L had pushed and pulled in and out a little too hard, but it had been perfection.

There was no trace of Kira left in the boy; the demon possessor had died when Light had. Except Light's soul had lived on and had been saved from the taint of Kira, although it had taken many years of struggle in Mu for Light to come to where he was today.

L had waited, longing and worried that Light wouldn't be able to make it through the torment of truly _feeling_. But he had; he had _trusted_ in L, and in his own strength and self. Light had found out his own feelings, tasted redemption, felt the wrath of his victims; those both innocent and guilty of crimes.

He had given away those newly found feelings; they'd been wrenched from his very being and then freely given...

It was strange how much Light had grown and L had been there, watching him, _every step of the way_.

Yet, now L had to disturb this peace.

He had to upset this sweet ignorance, while all L wanted to do was protect Light from the enemies and _demons_ of his past and future.

He didn't want to inform Light of what had become of the idea of Kira; the morph into a real-life boogeyman that hunted down criminals and innocents alike.

If he told Light that this monster was _back_ , how could he possibly keep him safe from pain and harm? It hurt L to think of Light having to watch the bodies pile up again, to hear of the victim list tolling higher and higher each day.

He didn't want to wake his new found love, and taint his ears with the rhythm of the war drums...not when they had both finally begun to hear the bells in all their beautiful clarity.

He brought a hand up to brush against Light's lips.

The touch made Light's breath came in a bit quickly, his head moving, groggily. He blinked slowly and looked around the room, before his gaze finally fell upon L.

"I thought it had been a dream for a moment. I was so worried, Lawliet." L leaned down to capture Light's mouth in a morning kiss.

"Hush, Light-kun." L smirked and nipped at one of Light's fingers, making the other man flush cutely.

"Are you sure you don't want to go back to sleep, Light? Once you're up... I have some things I must discuss with you." Light nodded, his arm snaking around L's waist.

"I'm not going back to sleep, but we can talk and be comfortable too, right?" He nibbled lightly at L's ear, making the raven-haired man gasp and rub against Light, reawakening his entire body, heat beginning to pool low in his body. He bit back a groan and forced Light's hips to stop moving.

"I think if we're _too_ comfortable then we'll do _much more_ than talk." Light laughed huskily into L's ear before pulling back, pouting a little.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but we have all of eternity for this, right?" L smiled sadly at the pleasant thought and the optimistic tone his lover used. He wished with all his being that this could be true, that they didn't have to go back and find the new Kira and stop him from completing Light's Vision; The New World Order.

' _The boogeyman is coming.'_ L shuddered at his own thought, and turned to face Light.

"You asked me before about _how_ I was able to get you out of Mu. I was _told_ to get you out of Mu. I had been watching you since the day I died, Light...and when you were about to die I wanted to go to you, but didn't know how... Not until I was _told to go to you_ , and to prepare you for your journey out of nothingness." L paused and looked down at his bare feet, which were poking out of the sheets at the end of the bed.

Light's stomach dropped as he watched L squirm with the words he was about to say. Before he could possibly speak, Light had grasped him and pushed him down onto the bed. He kissed him deeply, tongue pushing into his mouth, desperately clutching at hair and using teeth of nip and pull...wanting to just briefly indulge in the ignorance that was about to be shattered.

Light stopped gently after a long moment, and sat up, he nodded his head at L. They were both resolved and ready for what the future held in store, together.

L took a deep breath and looked into Light's auburn eyes; all traces of Kira-red truly gone.

"Light... _Kira_ is back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought.


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